The Little One

In 2020 the first post I did was to celebrate the four year old me. I finally feel like I can put myself back in that place again. But, look forward to all that is ahead of me. This year of not working was clearing my mind, heart and soul. I felt in order to do that, I had to feel everything. Think about the past and feel it. And, it was wonderful. But, I realized how long, naturally, I have been talking to myself, unkindly. So, it has been a process. A process I have taken great pride in. I listened to what makes me happy and peaceful. If it made me nervous, I did it anyway. But, when it came to feeling vulnerable, I took a step back. Trust of others is my biggest issue. And, it is still something I am dealing with. This week I took a picture of my grandson on the same ride, as I had been on in this picture. The boats have been replaced, but it still has the bell. And, the bell still sounds the same. He took control of the steering wheel, and never let go. But, to see his smile filled my heart with joy. Sixty one years has gone by. And, I have taken a week to think and feel about that. And, it feels good. I feel good. And, I am SO grateful for all of these good feelings. So, I made a decision, I opened a bookshop. It is online. And, I get a commission for everything I sell. At one point last year, I was going to buy inventory for my Ebay shop. I looked into a few companies, and asked if it was alright to sell on Ebay. I was approved and waiting for the right time to put together an order. Last month when I was on Reese Witherspoon's Hello Sunshine website. I found this site I never heard of. I started searching and I found the items I was going to order. These are actually a few of the companies I ordered from when I had the store. And, they include some art supplies, journals, calenders, puzzles, and of course books. I placed a small order, and was pleased. I can't wait to share more. This is the feeling I have been looking for the most. It is the conclusion I came to in 2021. Purpose. And, the thing I am most good at is selling. I love creating, but feel the most vulnerable when I try to sell something I have made. So, this is how I am going to move forward. And, it involves books. Books is what has saved me the most (and friends and families). But, a book is available at any time of day or night. And, I have quite the list of books I have read this year. Authors I have met and some I have even become friends with. I get weekly emails from my favorites. My favorite group I am in is called "The Quiet Life". And, I have had zoom candle lit calls introducing me to more authors. Most of the books were self help, some memoirs and the others fiction. I can't wait to share with you all I have learned. And, if you are interested how easy it is to shop on this site. The best part is it supports local bookstores. I picked the bookstore in Manasquan for 10% of my sales to go to. I also get a 10% commission for anything sold from my shop. This is SO important to me. Because, I really believe in downtowns, and hope they can sustain this horrible economy. I also am looking forward to building a little community around books, art appreciation, travel and hosting teas virtually. I would like to use you tube as the format. I am teaching myself how to do this all, and hope to do more. And, stop just thinking about it AND doing it. The name of the bookstore is The Butterfly Wrestler and you can find it here. The title of this post is "The Little One". I was the youngest of my grandparents five grandchildren. And, they called me the "Little One". I liked it. But, I always wanted them to be proud of me. And, I knew being the little one wasn't going to get me anywhere. As I am turning 65 in a few short months I realize how much I still share the feeling of wanting to grow into myself. And, that is the BEST feeling for myself. I don't want to shrivel up, and be little. I want to expand my horizons and grow.