You Are A Star

I am trying to find and feel love, wonder, awe and joy again. I am sharing pictures of me from three years ago. Because pictures may tell a story. But, truthfully you never know what is going on with someone. Before, I was divorced I was told I was not loved by my husband. We were still living together. And, I thought he had a lot of courage to tell me this. I didn't think there was something I should do to change this. I just went on going to work each day, but feeling really empty inside. My mom after a year or so in the depth of alzhiemer's said "What is wrong with you?". I immediately thought nothing was wrong with me, but my husband doesn't love me. I hadn't been talking much to her about my relationship, as I used to. My weekly visits were about her and catching her up with the kids. But, this time I blurted it out. And, she looked at me and said. "Oh, that is not him talking it is God." I immediately understood what she meant. And, it made the most sense to me. Because, I was feeling that way. It was going to be life changing, but I didn't have to do anything. I should just continue the way I was. I thought eventually things would work out. My mom died a few weeks later. And, a few months later my marriage was over. The details aren't important. Tell my brain that, though. So, this Advent I am writing about it because I do believe it helps me heal. Most of all I want to feel the warm and fuzzies of being loved. And, I do believe this. I feel we are born into an overall universe of love and that was created by God. And, by our goodness we are the closest to love. I still can't understand how you can tell a person you had a relationship with for over forty years......how do you not love them? This is what haunts me. So, basically I just keep saying to myself. Love over fear. Love over fear. Love over fear. And, I am real careful what and who I pay attention to. Especially on the computer. This year I have been especially happy following Kate Bowler. She wrote the book "Have a beautiful terrible day". She is a Professor at Duke University. She is married and has a son. She was diagnosed with Cancer at a very young age. She is full of wisdom, but mostly witty. I love her outlook. And, each day of Advent I will be following her reflections and blessings. So, today is the perfect blessing of love. A Blessing For What’s True About You When God thought you up, it was a good day, a lovely dream realized in God’s imagination, a celebration from before you were born. You were made out of God’s overflowing love, in who you were, and are, and would become. God saw it all, from way before the beginning, ‘til way past the end. And saw that it was good. This one, God said, this one I love. I delight in the beauty, and the promise, the wonder and the glory that is this one whom I have made. And my gaze is ever upon them, constant, and warm like the sun at golden hour, gentle as starlight, transforming and continuing, calling forth all the growing, all the becoming that is to be done. Remember this truth: You were made by love, for love, to love. I think all of us can use a dose of these words. You are not just loved, you ARE love. You are the brightest star in the sky reflecting all of God's blessings. You are as bright as a diamond. You radiate love. My hope for you today is for you to feel God's love deeply to give you the faith of the promise of Christmas. Have no fear said the Angel.