The Littlest Birds

My friends sing the prettiest songs. I still can't believe my college friend Liz was here to share one my proudest days with me, yesterday. As we walked into the exhibit I mentioned one of my favorite pieces, was exhibited next to mine. Then we were on line to grab a bite to eat. The person in front of me introduced herself as the maker of my favorite. So, I was able to ask if that was a song the words: "The Littlest Birds" sing the prettiest songs". She said it was. I listened to it this morning and will share it as the song of the day. The timing of this program Music Heals, for me spans from January until now. I dug deep reading three books: Suleika Jaouad's Between Two Kingdoms, Jonathan Biss's book on his relationship with playing Beethoven and Adam Haslett's book Imagine Me Gone. The subject matter was deep and spanned dealing with Cancer, Anxiety and family relationships with mental illness. But, the timing is what I can not get over in relation to what I just went through. When I went to the exhibit on April 11 I did not know I had cancer, yet. And, to go back yesterday, and to have gone through what I just went through in the last month was mind blowing. I knew deep down from all of this I was learning a lesson. But, up until this morning I still couldn't put it into words. But, this morning it is clear. My struggle is my writing and painting. Why do I feel compelled to do it each day? And, even bigger is why do I want to share it? I, by nature, hate attention. I hate being taken care of. But, the conclusion of everything I went through was. I couldn't keep any of what I was going through to myself. I had to tell my children. And, I didn't need to ask for help. They were my mama birds. Making sure I was fed and taken care of. I told my friends, and they sang the sweetest songs. (NOT to say my children did not). My interactions yesterday with the organizers of the program was sweet. And, the sweetest moment was telling them if I watched that first zoom call. And, Diane said to submit the embroidery to be judged. In order to be displayed at Princeton University. I would have NEVER participated. It was the acceptance of all the entries, which gave me the confidence to enter. This was all a lesson I really needed to learn about myself. And, most of all I can move forward not needing to be curious about much anymore. I can get back to my journey. I am healing from a broken wing. And, I now know I am not doing this for attention. I am doing my writing and painting to help me grow AND heal. And, it is the sweetest time of my life. When I open the door each day (not many these days) I hear the songs of the sweetest birds. I actually have been keeping a record with a phone app. I am looking forward to painting birds and writing poetry. Because.......that is my nature. I am naturally quiet and appreciative of the nature unfolding around me. It comes down to life being really simple. And, I look forward to simpler, quieter and more loving days in the future. Quote of the day: I reach for the page...I reach for it like a friend for company, for counsel. I tell my journal what knots I'm in and together we untangle the threads. I murmur my dreams and together we arc towards them. Suleika Jaouad Song of the day: The Littlest Birds by the Be Good Tanyas