Take Your Time

Processing time has been the most difficult for me these last few years. I am thankful for the memories on facebook to remind me. The problem is at the same time I have been avoiding looking at my memories. Yesterday was a good day, and I took a look. I am glad I did, because it reminded me four years ago my mom was still alive. This week I want to dedicate a lot of time to her. This is a good thing, and not a sad thing. When my life took a sharp turn, a lot of decisions had to be made in a very short time. Sometimes I would wake up, and just think what would my mom do? And, I would follow through with trying to read a good book. I would go to church. I would take a ride to Atlantic City. I would call a friend. I would send a greeting card. I would just lay on the couch and watch TV. I would go to a bakery. And, all of this helped me through a really difficult time. But, many of these things cause me guilt. And, that's where I am changing my habits. And, really digging into pure joy. What gives ME pure joy. NO guilt. And, that is how I spent last year by just being. This year is the first year where I am not working until April. So, each morning I wake up and ask myself what feels right for me to do each day. And, it has gotten pretty darn close to pure joy as I think I can get. I even went to church twice so far this year. The bad feelings such as guilt and shame are starting to melt away. Self doubt is still the hardest for me. But, as I take baby steps to ask for help in dealing with life in a whole new way, I am getting there. It is a real battle sometimes. But, it is a daily push to not just wither away. A funny thing happened as I got to this point in my writing. There was blip noise and a new email from Maria Shriver. And, again I find we are on the same page. I found myself stuck for words to make a point. I started thinking of dealing with Alzheimers for my mom and dad. How every day was full of worry of what is going to happen today? Will they fall, leave an oven on, say something stupid to someone who doesn't understand and be a threat to them, will they get lost or wander off. I may not have lived with them, but they were a constant worry. And, four years ago that part of worry was over. And, then their was all of this new space in my mind. New space to worry about me. And, that is what this time has done for me. But, during this time of Lent and reflecting. I am letting it all go. And, I am going to face the future with love over fear. And, maybe just maybe my life will be better then ever. Wouldn't that be nice? I have to include the last paragraph of Maria Shriver's paragraph here. Because, her post was about living alone, also. "In the silence of the early morning dawn, when you sit all alone, know that truth. Your worth does not come from the job you have, the money you have made or haven’t made, the person you married or never married. Your worth is within your being. So, next time you find yourself alone, don’t fear yourself. Enjoy the magnificence of your own company. Listen to that voice within, the one in your heart, and allow it to guide you forward. Allow it to keep you company. Allow it to remind you of why you are here. You, my child and friend, are here to light the world on fire. There’s no doubt in my mind about that." Maria Shriver Sunday Paper Quote of the day: “Learn to be alone and like it. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.” - Mandy Hale Song of the Day: Love is Like a Butterfly by Dolly Parton

The Gift of Time

At a young age I remember saying to my mom: "Time is money, but money isn't time". And, I couldn't agree with myself any more then I do now. But, now there is a pressure I feel with my time. I do consider it a gift. And, I want to spend the time as freely as possible. And, that in my life right now is without all the guilt. I am not even going to blame my guilt on my Catholic upbringing. But, deep inside it lingers, and it is right there to say: "you can't do that!". Being free is not as easy as I thought it would be. I am making the best of it, and making good decisions. Most of all not making quick decisions on how to spend my time. I try not to get any subscriptions, and forget to use them. Getting out of weight watchers taught me that lesson. But, weight watchers also helped me the most with goal setting. So, each day runs into another. I am glad I will start working soon, and have the plan of taking some time to do some fun things on my time off. I may even take a drive to Pigeon Forge soon to see my sister. And, from there I would love to go to Asheville. The gift I showed above is from my last Ebay sale. I also have been really enjoying selling on ebay. A lot of what I am selling I really love. I thought this would be really hard for me to do. But, it is what is giving me the most joy right now. I am really liking putting in my art work. The tag was cut from a painting I didn't really like. Part of my guilt is not knowing what to do with a lot of the painting I have done. But, slowly the piles are dwindling. And, it feels better. I also started embroidering again. It takes a lot of time. But, I LOVE it! I will be part of an exhibition. I will share more information as it gets closer. It has been really helpful keeping my spirits up. Quote of the day: “Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.” ― Anne Lamott I finally finished Anne Lamott's book "Bird by Bird" and Julia Cameron's Artist's Way "It's Never too Late to Start Again". Both so helpful. I listened to "Bird by Bird" on Audible. And, the Julia Cameron's is a chapter a week with prompts. Don't suggest doing this, but I am glad I finally finished. Another thing was the guilt of not finishing by the start of the new year. But, this is my FREE time, so why do I have such strict guidelines for myself? Song of the Day: Don't Stop by Jon Batiste My internet goes in and out. When it came up this morning I recieved an email for something I have been looking for. Long Beach Island Arts Foundation already has a ceramics drop in for $35 on Saturday, but I was looking for something for FREE. And, this is what is now available: Creative Aging class. I registered for the afternoon class. I have a van that can sit six people. Please let me know if you sign up. I would be happy to drive you there.

Lots to Love

Happy Valentine's Day! I did not decorate for this day this year. In the beginning of the month I had all the supplies out to make cards. I put them away about a week ago. I ended up listing cards three weeks ago on Ebay. Not only did no one buy any, but no one viewed them either. I thought I priced them well and even offered free shipping. But, the good news is I sold one of my favorite things. My Herend Sugar and creamer. I LOVE Herend! After looking at it for so many years at Brielle Galleries. I felt so lucky to have won these in a selling contest. And, the feeling is really good, knowing someone else gets to enjoy them now. The picture is of a painting I had done a couple of years ago. I turned it into a thank you to include in the package being mailed out today. The feeling I get from doing this is helping me feel my daily paintings have more of a purpose, too. I also started another creative project I am looking forward to sharing in my social media soon, too. I am celebrating being in the latest issue of Victoria Magazine in the Reader to Reader section. I am half way through my winter break from my job. I have a couple of dates in March with the catering company. And, then hopefully in April I will have a lot more. I finished the book "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott and the ending was great. She said if you want to add some faith and hope to your writing go to a wedding. I have to laugh sometimes. I go to reading other Authors to get inspired. And, sometimes I naturally do things they suggest, already. I guess that means I am on the right path in my jouney to joy! Quote of the day: “Writing has so much to give, so much to teach, so many surprises.” Anne Lamott Song of the Day: I Have A Dream ABBA