Sustainability

Sustainability is a BIG word. I think I hear it today more then any time in my life. I believe it is one of my biggest faults, as far as guilt goes. When I was younger I tried to feel I was more conscience about it. But, as life got busier I just did whatever was easier. I resisted buying bottled water for the longest time, for example. I now am still buying it. I ask myself, why? And, try to consciencely change this behavior. As, I just bought some yesterday, I am slowly getting there. It is really hard to change habit. I will say I haven't bought or drank soda since April. That is a big deal for me. When I was working, I always had a large pepsi with my lunch. I started drinking water out of the tap during this time, too. I don't notice a taste with water, so that is a good thing. I just don't know what made me stop using it out of the tap. Another thing that I have stopped buying is paper towels. When I worked at April Cornell I bought beautiful small wash cloths. We used them and called them "dish rags" growing up. I also stopped buying paper napkins, and have a basket of cloth napkins on my table. I throw both in the laundry with my towels. I am getting much better with not having to throw as much food away. I was still not able to figure out eggs, especially. But, I started baking again. August ended up a great month for me. I stopped scheduling a fun thing to do each week to distract me. I knew I had community pool to swim in. A comfortable home to relax in. I am starting to see the forest through the trees. And, the best part of this is to chip away at all of my guilt and fears. These really go back probably sixty years. I learned at a young age good feels good. And, bad feels bad. But, it is rediculous the amount of bad feelings I give myself with guilt and fear. And, the biggist fear I had growning up and my whole life is to get depressed. So, I was actually afraid of making myself stay home a lot this month, Happy to report, it did not. I have really good friends who have a real knack inviting me to something, when I really need it. The second part of sustainability I will write about tommorow is about what kind of footprint I will leave behind, when I am gone. REALLY heavy stuff here. But, hey, that is where the guilt comes in again. It is SO much better taking action, then sitting around and worrying how I am going to go forward without a lot of "stuff".