So much time, but afraid to revisit my past. After about a half an hour of sorting photos, I had enough. I put a newspaper clipping away to read later. This week I read it, and decided to write about it. It is about Enzo Stuarti. He lived right next door, when I was very young. He did have children who were more my sister and brother's age. I just remember after he moved, he was still a big part of our household. He did a very famous ragu commercial. And, I would continue to buy records to give to my father as gifts. I just watched a video of him singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic. It was sung on the Ed Sullivan show and in black and white. His performance was really enthusiastic. I found it really moving. One of my favorite experiences when I owned Greetings from Geralyn in Convention Hall in Asbury Park. It was early on. And, a women walking her dog stopped and started to talk about records in general. She then went on to all the times she had seen Bruce Springsteen in Asbury Park. And, then she exclaimed it was just so good to see records in a store again. Then she said her uncle made records. I asked who? And, she said you probably never heard of him. When she said Enzo Stuarti. I couldn't believe it. I told her he was my next door neighbor. You surely could start to hear our exclamations echo through the hall. She said how much she loved to bicycle on our block, because we had sidewalks.
Lately, I haven't been out to listen to live music as much. But, last night I got to see my son perform with his friends "A Charlie Brown Christmas". It was just so heartwarming. That music stirs up so many memories. Especially, how records and television were so much about of our traditions. And, with time spinning and changing so quickly. It was so nice to share conversation and see others experiencing something live and in person. But, most of all to hear all the band members express what the music meant to them. And, to see them perform it with passion, but most of all enjoyment. It is extrememly hard to stay on a path of working at what you enjoy. It shouldn't be. But, it comes with a lot of struggles. But, last night when the first note rang out, my troubles seemed to melt away at the same time.
I am writing this a few days later. I was on a news story about businesses in Ocean Grove and Asbury Park after Sandy in 2012. A new friend Nancy shared it with me last night. I keep watching it. After I was questioned about my optimism. I said "absolutely". I really relized how much my attitude has been shaken to the core. It is really hard to feel absolutely sure of ANYTHING these days. It has been my goal this year to just be. Because, that is easy and I can just take things as they come. I can take action or I can just settle into being passive. It has been an amazing opportunity of growth for me. But, sometimes I realize how negatve and pessimistic my inner thoughts really are during this time. And, then I just realize I am being myself and I am ok with that. But, really what is coming true for me is an inner light. I am experiencing a new feeling of contentment. I get glimpses of this feeling and then something negative happens. It feels like a candle getting blown out. Optimism may just be taking back my natural attitude. And, if that is the most I got out of this year, I am thankful. Last night I realized my attitude is not just about me. It is about the people in my life. And, friends, family and strangers are reflecting back to me the brightest light I never really saw before. Georgia O'Keefe says : "To see takes time". I am so thankful for the time I have taken for myself and connecting with people. I am starting to see myself as being seen. And, it feels good.
Song of the Day: So this song is like a battle song. And, I think I may
be winning the fight I have had with my inner voice. I am feeling more confident every day.
Enzo Stuarti: Battle Hymn of the Republic
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