When I haven't written for a long time I don't know where to start. I arrived home yesterday from traveling. I was away from home for five days. I had a goal for writing every day. The only journaling I did was rubber stamping my pocket journal in the Smokey Mountain National Park. I did do a lot of thinking, and what I want to write about in the book I am working on. I am influenced by a lot of writers right now. Two of which I really focused on this trip. And, I had a zoom call with both on the Sunday before I left. They are Susan Cain of one of my most favorites reads of last year: "Bittersweet". The other being Suleika Jaouad author of "Between Two Kingdoms". I got a scholarship to be part of "The Quiet Community" on substacks through Susan Cain. It is a safe place for me on the internet. I feel safe and part of conversation among kindred spirits. I listened to "Between Two Kingdoms" on audio books during the ride. It was very long. And, it is deeply sad, real, and hopeful, all at the same time. I am trying to feel all the feels lately, while not working. All at the same time, being conscience of not getting depressed. And, this trip was exactly that. There were a number of ways I did this. Most of all I saw my sister on the anniversary of my mom's passing. And, this has been heavy on my mind for the last four years. I had to put a lot of thoughts on the back burner during Covid and my divorce. My sister has called me every single week since my divorce. We had a very strained relationship most of our adult life. And, this trip we got to have one carefree day in our adult lives. I woke up that morning feeling dizzy and nauseaous. I found through google I had mountain sickness. I had never heard of this before. But, by noon we were walking in the Smokey Mountains National Park. By the end I caught my sister skipping on video. This simple act of my sister was the most healing vision I could see. As we are aging and realistically seeing what life in our 60's is like. She will be 70 in a few years. We chat and talk non stop. We decide our next stop is Fly Ride. It is like Soarn' in Disney. You sit and are immersed in a movie as if you are flying over the United States. As we arrive the parking lot is empty. We are greeted by a sign that they closed at 3pm for a private event. We are disappointed, but not defeated. Plan B is the Aquarium. But, by this time since I didn't eat yet. I suggest we go eat. We decided the night before to go to Paula Deen's. We arrive at fun 'island" with a Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville hotel, a huge ferris wheel, a fountain with music, and a Skyride!!! Oh wow! I had forgotten I saw in the tourist pamphlets a ride like fly ride. It was right next door to Paula Deen's. It was a "steam punk" theme. Kinda victorian, with the the introduction film with english accents. The ride was through America's natural parks like the everglades, alaska, grand canyon, mount rushmore, rivers and oceans. There were a few splashes of water with a refreshing feel of the ocean spray. It ends landing in the park with fireworks. It was exactly the feeling I needed. It was a feeling of being weightless like a butterfly and flying over the beautiful landscapes. It is a feeling I will carry with me for the rest of my life. There are so many heavy weights I have carried most of my life. And, the relationship with my sister is one of them. And, this ended up perfect. My mom,dad, and brother would have wanted this for us, for sure. Time goes by so fast, and my dad had warned me of this. And, when we left each other the next day it wasn't sad, We both cherished the time we had together the day before. It was all bittersweet. Which brings me back to what my favorite authors write about. They are both Princeton graduates. And, being part of that comminity I was involved in a project I will talk about more as the month of March unfolds. On the radio I heard that Nathaniel Ratecliff is doing a concert of Leonard Cohen's music called Wordless. Susan Cain writes a lot about Leonard Cohen. His songs are very deep and meloncoly. I saw the movie and how he would suffer long periods of time with depression. Once isolating from the world for several years. But, at the end of the movie while he peformed his last concerts he skipped off the stage. So, this brings me to how sometimes we put off facing things that hurt the most. But, in the end these things can bring us the most joy.
Quote of the day: A disco ball is hundreds of pieces of broken glass put together to make a magical ball of light. You aren't broken. You are a disco ball.
Song of the day:
Nathaniel Ratecliff singing Leonard Cohen's Famous Blue Raincoat
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