You Are Free

Well, golly gee!!! how lucky can I be? I get to write again about how resillient and strong I can be!!!! Sounds pretty sarcastic, but it really is not. I am just as surprised as you are going to be when you read what I have just been through. A year ago I noticed a strange pain in my arm. I looked at my back to see if there was anything unusual. And, there was a growth, I never saw before. And, through the weeks and months to follow, it would bleed. I didn't know whether the black it was turning was a scab or something to worry about. Since, I am on this journey of not letting my worry and concern overcome my way of thinking. I just went with the thought of getting myself together financially after leaving my job. I filled out forms. I applied for anything and everything to make sure I was financially secure. When January came around I knew my focus became about getting health insurance and filling out those forms. And, then waiting for a reply. By, March I had insurance and made an appointment with a dermatologist. I had a biopsy, and the result came back in two weeks. It was malignant and I have melanoma. Well, I had surgery on Tuesday, and I am hoping I had melanoma. I thought would be a small cut to remove the growth and one inch around. Ended up being an eight inch incision. And, another cut for a lymph node being removed for another biopsy. I did have two lymph nodes, overall removed. The wierdest most unusual miracle through all of this is how I am feeling. I don't feel pain from the wound. I don't feel guilt because it took so long to get help. I don't feel anything remotely negative. I feel relieved. I don't feel the surgery was to hurt me, but to heal me. And, honestly my last year was all about feeling the feels and not surpressing them. So, ultimately it gave me this wierd sense of joy and happiness looking at my two children, who were showing their worry and concerns. But, were there to take care of me, listen to my motor mouth of a racing brain, and most of all give me the best belly laughs I have had in a long time. They made me smile ear to ear. And, at one point I didn't want to smile so much, because it started to make me feel a little crazy. I hate hospitals. When I was told I could get dressed to leave. I said I wanted to finish my graham crackers, ginger ale and water. But, really I was enjoying having my twins together. I wasn't going to write about this experience. But, I feel a great need to, because there was a strong message given to me, I feel VERY compelled to share. Actually, there are a couple of messages. The one for me is to get help, and take help when offered. The other is what happened as I left the hospital. I don't even know what this person looked like. My daughter went to get the car, and my son walked next to me as we left. The wheel chair arrived at the car. And, the voice of the person who wheeled me out said: "YOU ARE FREE". And, I said can you say that again? I really like what you said. And, she said it loud and clear: "You are free!" And, through all of my thoughts of NOT writing about this, came the thought I had to share this. You can take these three words with you. I think they are as strong as the three words " I love you". And, they can mean a lot if you are struggling with anything in life right now. You are free to follow your intuition and live life on your own time schedule. And have the faith that the flow you create is right for what you are going through every moment of the days we are blessed to be here on earth. And, like a friend shared during those days of isolation in lock down. "Every Moment Matters". And, you are free how to enjoy those moments or waste them by thinking negatively. Song of the day: Freedom by my idol of the moment Jon Batiste