Lent Lessons

I am amazed at how deep I feel. Not, such a good thing. My biggest thing as I age, is to do this as natrually and gracefully as possible. Maybe I shouldn't even blame my age. I have all this time to reflect on myself. This year is different from last year, as I was still working. So far, a lot of what I have learned is how hard I am on myself. On Saturday I decided to make it a collage day. I began by cutting out flowers. This I really enjoyed. I also treated myself to watching the food channel at the same time. I had two pieces of cardboard, and some paper bags I did not throw out. So, when I sat down to start glueing it, there was no pressure. I probably should not have done this all in one day. But, I am noticing a pattern of not finishing. So, I just wanted to finish. I pay attention, now, to how different projects make me feel. And, a lot of my problem is for the amount of time spent, I want it to be perfect. Collage makes me a bit crazy, because of the wrinkles that can be on the paper while attaching. That's when I remember I should copy it on sticker paper. But, then the ink costs a lot of money. Then when it is all done. I think throw it away!!! The next thing I do is really pay attention to the way I am thinking. It is not good!!!! The next morning I realize I can share it digitally, and it will be flat. I also got a really cool postcard on Saturday during the process: it read:"Psst Geralyn it is your turn." And, it is perfect to do another collage. If you know me, I somehow get signs I am on the right track. I am realizing I am REALLY sensitive. And, I have to get out of my own way. Now the weather is better, I hope to walk more. I used to love doing 21 meditations, and really miss them. So, I read one I had actually downloaded and painted to. It showed how excited I was to watercolor, again. I can see some growth from about eight years ago, when I started back up again. OK, now it is time to give myself credit. Eight years!!!! And, it seems like yesterday. It has brought me joy, but at the same time making me feel I am not good enough. And, this is the thought I am still fighting within myself. I am not doing it for someone to validate me. I really just want to feel the peace and flow it gives me. So, maybe I did develop a habit that helps me through each day. I hope to get all the projects done on my table, to get back to painting this week. The best quote I read from this meditation dating back to 2017 was from Helen Keller. Quote of the Day: "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." The reason it spoke to me is in this journey and listening to the advice of all these happiness experts I am reading. Is to find your why or what. My answer for this question for the last year is to just feel secure. I have big financial worries since I left a full time job. Thankfully, I start back to work next week. I am still going to events, meetings, workshops and really loved going to game night last week. But, I have put it upon myself to stop spending money, I don't have. And; sorry, but not sorry, my gas tank's appetite is being fed better then mine. The last thing I want to do is turn into a hermit. I usually feel like this at Lent, so I am really looking forward to next Monday! Song of the day: Bruce Springsteen: Ain't Good Enough for You I heard this song yesterday, and it is my inner struggle with myself. This song always makes me laugh....one of my top ten favorites!