Cultivating Love

My biggest hill to climb in the last three years was how to cultivate love. Amanda Gorman at the Democratic Convention even talked about how our country could come back to love. Michelle Obama talked about motherly love and encouragement. This makes me feel I am not alone on my journey. I am not the only one seeking love to mend a broken heart. I find love everywhere. My senses are alive and in tune with the beautiful world we live in. Day by day I pay attention to all the goodness I can find. In what I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and feel. I try to paint it in my journals, so these feelings can stay with me. This year has been really special, because I can live in my house all day long in total quiet. Something I have never been able to do before. I started realizing music was actually replaying memories, and making me feel distracted from the present day. I realized how good it would feel to complete a book I was reading. In the winter months I would start three different books, and would lose focus. Wondering which book to pick up again. The worst part of the year was the months spent worrying if a growth was cancer, the diagnosis, the surgery and waiting to hear if I was cancer free. Then I was surprised at the loss in self confidence. I was joyful, yet still having the nagging feeling of others talking about me. So, my weapon of choice was to meditate again. I sat and looked at my bookcase, and realized all of these self help books were going to waste. All of these unused art supplies were taking up space. So, this week I am sorting through, and have three big bags ready to donate. I realized I was feeling good, but feeling vulnerable. Whenever I feel this way, I turn to a Brene Brown book. I either listen to her on the computer, or reread a book. She speaks my love language. I relate to her studies. And, feel more confident after listening or reading her words. So, another bag is going to be full of self help books to go to a women's cancer home. I also started to make small videos. This is helping me find my voice. In the quiet I feel at home. But, not speaking to anyone is driving me crazy. So, talking in these videos is helping me. The books I read last week I highly reccomend. Rising Strong helped me first in 2017. That was a very hard year with my brother being so sick and dying. Atlas of the Heart was the first book I bought in 2021 when my world fell apart. It was really too early for a book to help me. But, when I reread it, I realized it was just what I needed to cultivate love, again. I remember the first few pages were so comforting, and the format was easy on the eyes. Brene Brown went off social media this year. But, her website is helpful. We're so lucky to have someone who can help us with vulnerability. And fill us with hope and courage to face another day in this ever changing world. It seems to be spinning faster then ever!