2023 The Year to Be

Luckily, I am writing a whole book about the year 2023 and what it meant to me. I learned so much. I am glad I am writing a book and can share. When doing a post about the year gone by and looking forward to the year 2024. It is hard to put it in one paragraph. But, I think I learned a very good lesson I would like to share. The person I followed the most this year on instagram died in early 2022. His name is Thich Nhat Hanh. Someday I hope to learn his name and be able to pronounce it. But, one line really got me. "A cloud never dies". I think if I read any of his writing five years ago. I would not have paid much attention to it. I started watching his calligraphy videos in the beginning of the year. That is why I write some words and do a painting next to it. It is my form of my meditation. But, negative thinking is really hard to break. I am certainally not there yet. But, I do always try to look for the silver lining. And, that was sort of easy. Because, there are so many good things that came into this year. Without me asking is the amazing part. It was just about being present. Sometimes, I took action. But, most of the time I would just wait to see if things would work out. October around my birthday it all came to a head. In one day ( I really think it was my birthday) some pretty negative things came in the mail. It was a month I was really starting to feel confident in moving forward. And, just like that I was back to "two steps up and one step back". But, yet the best thing happened to me for my birthday. And, that was a cake with my name on it (along with a good friend who's birthday is the same as my moms's). And, we were sung to by a very musically talented family! We blew out the candles and I didn't really wish for anything. Which is kind of funny. I am so big on wishes. But, really I just want to get by and not feel like daily life is such a struggle. And, slowly I am feeling more grounded and steady on my feet. Seriously, when all this first happened I couldn't even go down stairs without being terrified I was going to fall. I have never thought so negatively in my life, and it was hard to break. I just needed time to heal, and feel more confident in my future. And, the bottom line is to just be present in the moment. For, all the changes that came with Covid and after, I finally can feel better. My mind isn't racing. And, the best is, I can sleep eight hours straight again. Going into the next year I always have made wishes, set intentions, and picked a word. I will do that again. But, it is more spiritual then ever. I realize, what I pay attention to is, the most important thing I can do in my life. So, it will be about that and will be in my first post for 2024. In the meantime I will pick a song and quote that sums up how I feel right now. Quote of the day: “Be Yourself. Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just Be.” Thich Nhat Hanh Song of the day: You'll Never Walk Alone

Let the Light Shine In

I love being home. Don't get me wrong. But, it is full days of inspiration that light me up. Set my soul on fire. Fill me up with desire for the future. I had a great local day of classes and a work party which left me smiling. But, yesterday stirred everything up in me to feel the joy of the season. It has been building up since I saw Ian and his friends perform the Charlie Brown Christmas Show. I don't want to pay too much attention to days gone by. When I am home it makes me feel pretty blue. So I, like Julie Andrews, think of my favorite things. And, then act on them. I don't think I have been in the City at holiday time for more then twenty years. I have wonderful memories of my dad taking us to Radio City Music Hall for the Christmas and Easter shows. Yesterday, I took a bus from Target in Brick, through Garden State Getaways. It was very convenient and most of all relaxing. Love when someone else is in the driver seat. I tried to read on the way there and back. But, my eyes are really tired. I have done a lot of reading, writing and straining my eyes. So, it felt good to just look out the window and watch the world go by. I always love leaving the city at night. Even if it took a half an hour to go one block! Love to see all the lights, people and pizza restaurants. And, most of all watch how the city gets smaller and smaller as the road winds farther away. I know when it is a good day, and all I can think of is going back. I really loved Saks and Dior's Collaboration and didn't really have the time to see the actual light show. I loved all the french influences at Saks and the Macarons at Anthropologie. Can't wait to so some paintings of the charms on the outside of the Saks Sphere. They included the sun, moon, butterfly, flowers and stars. Out of all the feelings the city gives me, it is the feeling of optimism. I hope I can carry this feeling until Christmas! If not, I guess I will have to go back!

Music Melts Your Heart

So much time, but afraid to revisit my past. After about a half an hour of sorting photos, I had enough. I put a newspaper clipping away to read later. This week I read it, and decided to write about it. It is about Enzo Stuarti. He lived right next door, when I was very young. He did have children who were more my sister and brother's age. I just remember after he moved, he was still a big part of our household. He did a very famous ragu commercial. And, I would continue to buy records to give to my father as gifts. I just watched a video of him singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic. It was sung on the Ed Sullivan show and in black and white. His performance was really enthusiastic. I found it really moving. One of my favorite experiences when I owned Greetings from Geralyn in Convention Hall in Asbury Park. It was early on. And, a women walking her dog stopped and started to talk about records in general. She then went on to all the times she had seen Bruce Springsteen in Asbury Park. And, then she exclaimed it was just so good to see records in a store again. Then she said her uncle made records. I asked who? And, she said you probably never heard of him. When she said Enzo Stuarti. I couldn't believe it. I told her he was my next door neighbor. You surely could start to hear our exclamations echo through the hall. She said how much she loved to bicycle on our block, because we had sidewalks. Lately, I haven't been out to listen to live music as much. But, last night I got to see my son perform with his friends "A Charlie Brown Christmas". It was just so heartwarming. That music stirs up so many memories. Especially, how records and television were so much about of our traditions. And, with time spinning and changing so quickly. It was so nice to share conversation and see others experiencing something live and in person. But, most of all to hear all the band members express what the music meant to them. And, to see them perform it with passion, but most of all enjoyment. It is extrememly hard to stay on a path of working at what you enjoy. It shouldn't be. But, it comes with a lot of struggles. But, last night when the first note rang out, my troubles seemed to melt away at the same time. I am writing this a few days later. I was on a news story about businesses in Ocean Grove and Asbury Park after Sandy in 2012. A new friend Nancy shared it with me last night. I keep watching it. After I was questioned about my optimism. I said "absolutely". I really relized how much my attitude has been shaken to the core. It is really hard to feel absolutely sure of ANYTHING these days. It has been my goal this year to just be. Because, that is easy and I can just take things as they come. I can take action or I can just settle into being passive. It has been an amazing opportunity of growth for me. But, sometimes I realize how negatve and pessimistic my inner thoughts really are during this time. And, then I just realize I am being myself and I am ok with that. But, really what is coming true for me is an inner light. I am experiencing a new feeling of contentment. I get glimpses of this feeling and then something negative happens. It feels like a candle getting blown out. Optimism may just be taking back my natural attitude. And, if that is the most I got out of this year, I am thankful. Last night I realized my attitude is not just about me. It is about the people in my life. And, friends, family and strangers are reflecting back to me the brightest light I never really saw before. Georgia O'Keefe says : "To see takes time". I am so thankful for the time I have taken for myself and connecting with people. I am starting to see myself as being seen. And, it feels good. Song of the Day: So this song is like a battle song. And, I think I may be winning the fight I have had with my inner voice. I am feeling more confident every day. Enzo Stuarti: Battle Hymn of the Republic