Sustainability

Sustainability is a BIG word. I think I hear it today more then any time in my life. I believe it is one of my biggest faults, as far as guilt goes. When I was younger I tried to feel I was more conscience about it. But, as life got busier I just did whatever was easier. I resisted buying bottled water for the longest time, for example. I now am still buying it. I ask myself, why? And, try to consciencely change this behavior. As, I just bought some yesterday, I am slowly getting there. It is really hard to change habit. I will say I haven't bought or drank soda since April. That is a big deal for me. When I was working, I always had a large pepsi with my lunch. I started drinking water out of the tap during this time, too. I don't notice a taste with water, so that is a good thing. I just don't know what made me stop using it out of the tap. Another thing that I have stopped buying is paper towels. When I worked at April Cornell I bought beautiful small wash cloths. We used them and called them "dish rags" growing up. I also stopped buying paper napkins, and have a basket of cloth napkins on my table. I throw both in the laundry with my towels. I am getting much better with not having to throw as much food away. I was still not able to figure out eggs, especially. But, I started baking again. August ended up a great month for me. I stopped scheduling a fun thing to do each week to distract me. I knew I had community pool to swim in. A comfortable home to relax in. I am starting to see the forest through the trees. And, the best part of this is to chip away at all of my guilt and fears. These really go back probably sixty years. I learned at a young age good feels good. And, bad feels bad. But, it is rediculous the amount of bad feelings I give myself with guilt and fear. And, the biggist fear I had growning up and my whole life is to get depressed. So, I was actually afraid of making myself stay home a lot this month, Happy to report, it did not. I have really good friends who have a real knack inviting me to something, when I really need it. The second part of sustainability I will write about tommorow is about what kind of footprint I will leave behind, when I am gone. REALLY heavy stuff here. But, hey, that is where the guilt comes in again. It is SO much better taking action, then sitting around and worrying how I am going to go forward without a lot of "stuff".

The Guilty Gardener

This month has been amazing. I am really digging deep into to my true feelings. I can't wait until next week, when I get to take some little road trips again. The amount of guilt I feel on a daily basis is astounding. The one feeling that really got me yesterday was guilt. I feel huge amount of guilt for really stupid things. I walked out the door and thought I should really pull out a few weeds. And, I should give my plants a good watering. Well, I just didn't feel like it, so I didn't. I took a ride to this Art's Center that is right down the street. I recieved an email that there is a high school student painting a butterfly. I missed getting a picture of her painting. But, I did get a picture of her work in progress. I have to give kudos to the township of Brick. They created a little oasis. A little secret garden. One is a community garden and the other is a pollinator garden. There is a garden club. I wasn't going to join because i would feel a lot of guilt, not helping out when needed (especially planting and weeding). But, I went to the tea last month and a friend from high school and firehouse was there. And, she is a member, so I joined. I am so glad I did, because that is why I got the email. I love taking these little videos. It is as if my camera is a butterfly. Quote of the Day: Love is like a butterfly: It goes where it pleases and it pleases wherever it goes. -Author Unknown Song of the day: Love is like a butterfly. Dolly Parton

Creativity

August has been wonderful as far as goal setting. Or I would say overcoming stigmas I have put upon myself. I did a lot of traveling in the last few months. I decided August was a month I was going to just sit tight at home. I have realized how many things I don't do out of fear. And, staying home for a month living alone is one of them. But, I accomplished so much! It even made me go out and get a job! And, I started selling on Ebay. One of my fears is eating too much. And, that has been a struggle. But, I stopped drinking soda in May. I think that is good, but hasn't made a difference in my weight or how I feel. But, I don't need it, which is a good thing. Creatively I had a workshop in the middle of the month. It was seven days of zoom calls at 1pm. It really helped me free myself from fears. Also, unlearning what I learned getting a degree in Art. But, ever since I tried to paint since then, I still need some kind of guidance. This workshop was very encouraging from Jessica Swift and Barbara Hershey. It was all about a quote or word prompt (I love that) and picking a song to paint to (also love). So, the day after I met my grandson, August, I sat down to paint each morning. The first week I always wanted to try my calligraphy brushes, the second week I wanted to use posco pens (acrylic paint pens, love them) and actually did the same thing (listen to music and pick out words to paint). Then the workshop I used oil pastels, which I haven't used since I was a child. It was all very freeing. And, then this week I have always wanted to paint with tea. The biggest hurdle was doing this challenge and using color. Sounds stupid. But, when I sit down to paint I have a hard time just picking out color to start with. The choices become overwhelming for me. Just like life, sometimes I don't realize how overwhelmed I am. I just power through every thing. So, this time.....this gift has been something I have needed for a long time. I think I may have gotten back to where I was two years ago. But, I wasn't alone two years ago. But, I am ajusting, pivoting, changing and then going with the flow. But, it still not easy to do just that, because my day to day is so different. But, one of the prompt was...what if? And I answered with...what if I had all the time in the world. And, that has helped me in my day to day. Something I have always wished for was more time. Quote of the day: “A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” – Mandy Hale Song of the day: Butterfly by Jon Baptiste

Following a Path of Dreams

I still can't believe how seeing nature this year effects my mood so much. I started seeing mushrooms a couple of weeks ago as I walked from my car to my house. I have been making fairies (I have made 2 so far) and I decided to buy a few to take photos with. I started wishing to see some, when I was prepared with them in my car. I was so surprised when I came a across a bunch in Point Pleasant. They were so big I could see them in enough time to turn and park my car. Then two days later I went to Georgian Court University to work on my resume. And, what did I see? The biggest and hugest mushrooms I have seen so far. I debated or not whether to bring the fairies, but I did not. I know this is all about this time in my life. I am definitely taking time in all I do to focus on "stopping and smelling the roses". But, I am always astonished when I am brought to a site for a different reason, but it brings me this unexplainable joy when I see something as common as a mushroom. Somehow, I just feel like I was meant to be there at the exact time. Because like time, mushrooms are always fleeting. Because, of the conditions needed for them to grow. And, because of weekly lawn mowing and animals eating them. So, it was a good week for me overall. I am definitely on the right path. I have been really busy this week getting photographs and descriptions for listing on Ebay again. Something I swore I would NOT do ever again!!! But, I have decided to rid myself of my past......more! And, in with some new in the future. I have kept some of my blue and white dishes I use every day. I eventually will be going down to North Carolina to sell all of my dishes and anything breakable. But, I decided to give selling on ebay a try myself for a few weeks. Everything I am selling this week is blue and white. And, it makes me pretty sad listing it. But, I love this artist Nathalie Lete, who just came out with a fall line of ceramics at Anthropologie. And, I will use the money from ebay to buy some new. I needed a spoon rest, so I bought that first. And, the cutest squirrel bowl I'll use for my cereal each morning. I am so inspired my Nathalie Lete. Her instagram page is amazing. She has started to paint every inch of her house since covid. I want to do that here, but I really am chicken. But, she paints on windows, too for Anthropologie (about ten years ago). And, that is temporary, I might just stick to that. After listening to Bruce Springsteen this morning, it reminded me how I found the love of myself through God and the campus at Georgian Court University. It was the first place I would drive into and feel totally at peace. I arrived on the campus in 1988 with a list of unrealized dreams. And, I drove onto the campus yesterday with all of my dreams realized and my heart feels full of God's love for me. I am eternally grateful for the core values I learned at Georgian Court University. I was thankful for the signs (literally actual road signs) on my path as drove into campus yesterday. The core values of GCU are: Respect, Justice, Integrity, Compassion and Service. Most of all be kind to yourself! Quote of the Day: You have to treat yourself like a mushroom to some degree, in order to keep on discovering things. Christian Bale My quote I just made up: "Out with the blue and in with the new" Song of the Day: Follow That Dream Bruce Springsteen........song heard driving yesterday. Get well soon Bruce Springsteen!!!

Creating Everyday