What Would Dolly Do?

When I wake up in the morning I am in the closest of a dream state, then any other time of the day. I haven't really had a chance for my whole brain to work,yet. The real part of me that tells me I don't deserve to pursue the dreams I fantaize about. So, this morning I am writing this, hopefully, in a way you the reader will understand. This is not easy, the journey of a writer. But, it was the path not taken. Why? Mostly on my part was confusion, confidence, motivation, procrastination and vulnerablity. But, I woke up this morning thinking of a subject that came up in writing class, yesterday. And, I chimed in, I have trouble with confidence. I have a side of me that does NOT encourage me to do things. Especially, speak in public. But, the last month I have been getting out there, and it has a made a BIG positive difference. For example 21 reviews on Ebay, since I started a few months ago. My writing class appreciating me. Stepping out of my comfort zone to appreciate their courage. What was my secret for the last month? I would ask myself "What Would Dolly Do? Instead of asking myself before I would list something on Ebay. Questions like "Who would buy this?", "If I don't want it, who else is?" "This is not worth that much to me, why is someone going to pay this price?" I thought of things like, what can I include in the shipment to show gratitude? And, when I thought of all of these little paintings I have created. I felt like I hit the jackpot! And, the two shipments I showed on social media in the beginning of the week. They both gave me a good reviews already. This also was an experiment. I made these little clothespin dolls, and they are what I would think the Butterfly Wrester is. I just did it without much thought. I want to go back and explain them. But, I am not going to. Because the experiment was to do a search for the Butterfly Wrestler after a week of listing them. And, they came up right to the top of the search. BINGO!!! That is being able to find a needle in a haystack. It means everything. Because, when you write a blog in the beginning, only who you share the link with finds you. But, if a person starts hearing about the Butterfly Wrestler, they might google it. And, the only way it comes to the top, is if the search engine can find it. So, basically EBAY has given me the platform and voice I have been looking for. Now, I have a Dolly Parton collage I created two years ago. Last week I filled in all the blank spots with my favorite Dolly Quotes. I also put in the lightening bolt "Rockstar". I admire Dolly and this latest album. She created an album basically as what her fans see her as. Not, how she sees herself as a country singer. And, basically that is my story, too, as the Butterfly Wrester. People see the outside me. They have no I idea what I struggle with. Thankfully, they don't see all the racing thoughts going through in my brain. But, writing brings all that out. And, sharing it takes a huge amount of courage. Quote of the day: "You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try." Dolly Parton Song of the day: Freebird. Dolly Parton with Leonard Skynard Dolly Parton Rockstar Collage on EBAY

Don't Stop

October just flew by, and now we are in the middle of November. There are still about fifty days to achieve any goals for the year 2023. I set my sights low with the only goal to just BE for the year 2023. I did this on purpose to go easy, and just go with flow. But, sometimes I surprise myself with what is not easy for me. It is not easy for me to reach out to friends. The dialogue in my head is rediculous. October I spent every day painting a leaf with a word to let go of and the next page a word to let in. For example one page was fear and the facing page was love. I noticed I love to splatter paint some days at the end. And, those were days I felt frustrated with myself. I think those splashes were what I can't control. And, I loved to see how they reacted to the wet paint. I really do love to watch life unfold, and sometimes see what good can come from being vulnerable. It is the Artist part of me, that is the hardest to grow. I can plant the seeds, by practicing something creative. But, with my eyes, I still see the third grade girl scout me, come out on paper. But, this is all good. I want to have the time to really see. I am so glad I reached out to Cathleen Malpass. She is the widow of Michael Malpass who passed away in 1991, and was my sculpture teacher at Georgian Court University. The picture above is the studio in Brick. It has taken me many years of thinking about visiting there. And, I finally did it. I know I have mentioned Michael Malpass before. But, I feel he was the only teacher who really encouraged me to enter the art world. And, this is where the confusion and fear comes in for me. I don't know how or what to do. First and foremost I enjoy writing and sharing. Then I am loving watercolor painting. But, I have to unlearn so much from when I was an art student. I loved when one teacher said NOT to ever use an eraser. There are NO mistakes. WOW, that was freeing. But, then the same teacher said.....don't outline in black, don't use words in your art, don't paint from photographs, etc.. So, I have been doing a lot of unlearning and it is very freeing. Now I am getting a little anxious and questioning the affordablility of an Artist Residencey in France next year. But, I am determined and know deep down this is the time of my life to release any fears and live with no regrets. Quote of the Day: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope empathy, accountability, and authenticity.” Brene Brown Song of the day: Don't Stop Jon Batiste

The Story of My Christopher Radko Ornaments

I realize as I go along selling things on ebay, how much things I own can tell a story. But, it is so sad to think some parts of my life are just a story, now. I worked for fours stores that closed. I am processing all this still. And, realizing how each one I had to adapt too. Some I actually had more empathy for the owners and my bosses then myself. Actually, all of them I did. And, part of being alone now is I realized how much I have lived like this. But, anyway today was really remarkable. I looked for a Christopher Radko interview to share. I thought it would help me in selling them. And, did it ever! I didn't realize he sold his company in 2005. I did realize in the quality of the product. I realized they were all hand blown glass and hand painted in Poland. I knew when they first came out and we sold them at Brielle Galleries they were very collectable. We all tried to talk ourselves into buying the first in the series of the 12 days of Christmas. I couldn't do it. My children were main priority during this time. I didn't want to spend a lot of money on anything that could break. I was Christmas shopping with a friend during this time, and we were in a Marshall's. They were selling these ornaments at half the price. And, she knew I loved them, and she did too. We both loved decorating traditionally and in Victorian style. She asked if I would ever buy one. And I answered "No way". And it is then, we decided to buy one for each other for Christmas, it would be ok. I bought stands to hang them in the shelves. Never wanting the chance of the tree falling down. So, that is why I own them. Later, I have put them on my trees and hung them in the window, when we downsized in 2011. I haven't put up a tree in my new home, yet. But, I have been collecting and making felt ornaments to put on a fake tree, eventually. I just haven't found the right tree, yet. But, the real interesting part of Christopher Radko's story was when he told the story of designing the ornaments like writing a song. And, I thought of myself as I have been making my butterfly wresters (now listed on ebay). He said it was lke songwriting and songwriters who bought his ornaments. When he mentioned Bruce Springsteen bought a whole tree of ornaments for his wife....my mouth was wide open in surprise. The last two years Brielle Galleries was in business, I helped Patty Scalfia Springsteen Christmas shop. It was very exciting, especially picking out Buccelatti silver for Pavoratti. Anyway, I helped her buy 50 Santas on a motorcycles by Christopher Radko. But, then she cancelled the order. But, anyway, they were very special Christmases. Especially, the second one when she came in and asked for me by name to help her. The next Christmas we were closed. By, that time I was working as manufacturers representative in wholesale. Which, also was an exciting job. But, most of all it brings me to the fact I have worked in retail for a very long time. And, most Christmas Eve's I have spent in a store. I am just now processing I have this time in my life now. It is wide open, how to spend my Christmas season. I have weekends off before Christmas, oh my! Quote of the day: It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time. Steve Jobs Song of the Day: Marcus Mumford Awaken My Soul

The Wonder of It All

My internet was going on and off for days now. I wasn't following any schedule, and I didn't really have to get anywhere on a timeline. So, most of all I didn't care. But, this really showed me how curious I really am. Because, I would have to remember to go back to answer something I was wondering about. October was about letting go of fear and let in love. And, I was in for some surprises. Did you know boredom is fear? I easily came up with 30 things (or feelings) I wanted to let go of. I painted most days and at the end of the month I had a book. I will share soon. Ebay is letting me let go of the stuff. Painting is helping me process my feelings. And, the good old computer is helping answer all the questions I still have swirling in my head. I was writing about Brielle Galleries the last blog post. And, I said I was going to write about a recommendation letter Ira had handwritten for me. I decided not to. This week I was so sick I took a covid test, thankfully it was negative. I went out one day, and the guilt of maybe spreading it weighed me down like a rock. I called out of work. And, today I am thankful I did that. I was able to list a lot on Ebay this week. And, I was successful in selling, too. And, I am really thankful I was able to update my shop. This brought some really nice reviews, feedback and followers. I also have been handwriting goals, and I saw only one last week I did not follow through with. And, that was making fairies. I glittered about twenty, but only completed five. I was going to name them fairy godmothers, but now have decided on "the butterfly wrestlers" to make them more of me. I love making them, but each one took a lot of time. I really wanted to personalize each one. They are all photographed. Today I hope to list and schedule them to be released on "All Souls Day". When I made the first two a couple of months ago they were based on my mom and a good friend who got me through the death of my brother. I was going to name it after them. And, then last week I just made a few, and enjoyed it much more. Because, the hard part of letting go is the emotional attachment to things. I was really happy with the way they turned out. It reminded me of an Artist that made "Little Soul Dolls". We had a huge inventory of these dolls the last year we were open at Brielle Galleries. They were one of my favorite things to sell there. Yesterday I wondered if they had a website. They did! I am so glad they are still in business. In the years that followed Brielle Galleries, it has been hard to see so many companies go under and lose value. This gave me a big burst of confidence to start and release my butterfly wrestlers to the world, now. The quote of the day is a page from a book I pictured on this blog post. The book of quotes I chose to sell on ebay this week, too. Song of the day: Learning to Fly Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

The Joy of Letting Go

October is so full of changes, but it could be my favorite month. It has always been a bittersweet month for me. I grew up in a house where letting go was a real problem. I bought things only because I loved them. I have been on this journey of letting go of "beloved things" for a LONG time!!! On October 4th I brought most of my China dishes, and crystal to sell to Replacements LTD. It was complete release of what I valued in life. Some of it I valued so much, I didn't use for fear I would break it. So, this is a thought that needed the most changing. This is the thought that made selling it easier. But, then as I drove away the more fear of not getting the check sunk in. What if the bottom fell out of the box, and it all broke? What if the person going through it decides it is not the value they told me in writing in the offer? You get the idea. I am happy to say I got the check yesterday. It was a long three weeks waiting. The crazy part is the check was $20 more then my last attorney bill due. When I was thinking of putting the money away for when I go to France next year, it was much easier. But, I did manage to come up with some money to buy my favorite dishes from Nathalie Lete at Anthropologie. And, I use them every day. And, they do make me joyful. I have started to list some small things (easy to ship) on Ebay. They are three pieces of hand painted dishes made by Herend in Hungary. And, these are really tough to let go of. Because, I won them. Back in the late 90's the store I worked at Brielle Galleries, brought in sales representatives once a month. There would be an incentive to sell their products. We would watch a video about how and where they would be made And, why what we were selling was so valuable. I also learned through the customers. I will never forget a customer who went to Hungary to buy Herend. And, he told me there was no store like Brielle Galleries. There was not one store that had space big enough to hold the inventory. And, no owner could afford to buy the amount of inventory. We had every pattern, color and size. We had the same pattern Queen Victoria (the pattern was named after her). It basically was a museum, but we were selling. I would just imagine the houses they were going into. Replacements LTD was ten times the space. When I walked in there was a beautiful gallery wall. It was made to look like autumn leaves blowing in the wind. In Brielle Galleris there were beautiful tablescapes of beautiful fall colors. And, the silver was amazing. We had a whole room of Buccelatti, which was made in Italy. This was three times the size. The Silver tea services were exquisite. I was so glad I finally had chance to be in a place that I had recommended to others since the 90's. As, we approached the millenium we had more and more customers ask if we could buy their dishes, silver and crystal. This was the beginning of a big change in the world. We started having companies come in to buy gold. We used to have a line waiting to buy the day after Christmas, where the holiday patterns would be 50% off. Now, we only had lines of people selling thier heirloom jewelry. The store closed after being in business for thirty five years. It was a hard lesson in accepting change. Tommorow's post will be the encouraging words Ira left me in a letter of recommendation. And, the opportunities he gave me creating items to sell at the store. This morning I just spent some time working on my ebay store. I was able to name my store The Butterfly Wrestler. For now it is going to be items I am letting go of. In the future it will be supplies for a Butterfly Wrestler community. It will be full of journals, pens and greeting cards for writing. And, watercolors and paper to paint on. The link to my store is here. Quote of the day:“Holding on is believing that there's only a past; letting go is knowing that there's a future.” -Daphne Rose Kingma Song of the Day: I feel the Love The Heavy

The Morning After

I spent the day yesterday at a SOAR symposium. The perfect day at the Sandy Hook Chapel. I was surrounded by kindred spirits in a sacred space full of a rich history. Not, only as a beautiful natural setting, but of a place where our country was ready for war. It is also where the British gathered to be brought back to England after the Revolution. A great example of something good coming out of hard times. When the store I managed April Cornell closed it's doors in Spring Lake, I was facing hard times. My thoughts were just not with myself, they were with my customers, the owners of the business, the owners of the building, the community, and basically with all of the downtowns of America. Covid took quite a one-two punch on small businesses. Little did I know for the future of that store. But, it wasn't what I expected or where all these bad thoughts were going. It became Thunder Road Books, and by December of 2021 I was attending a "Rise and Write" class there. It is there I met Jessica Varian Carroll, who is co-founder of SOAR. SOAR stands for Seize Opportunity and Rise Together. It was just what the doctor ordered for me! Jessica is also a part of Inspired Girls Publishing. I sat next to another member of Rise and Write Jill Ciccone. She just published a book with a release coming up very soon! This six hour time frame was FULL of "Inspiristas" AND LOVE. It was full of hugs, kind words, inspiration. But, most of all encouragement. The theme of the event was Self Love and all were encouraged to wear white and/or lace. This morning is like Christmas My mom used to let us go and get our stockings when we first woke up on Christmas morning That way my parents weren't awoken very early to the sounds of us yelling "SANTA was HERE!"!.!! This morning I had a swag bag to go through It is full of books, gifts of inspiation, handmade treasures and a chocolate kiss. The overall theme was threaded together like magic through story telling, music and meditation. The theme was love and spreading love. It was about making a ripple which turns into waves. Emotions were high as we all experienced the love and caring for each other in the room. It was the magic of Christmas on an ordinary day in October. Thank you Jenn & Jess for creating the most inspirational day full of love I have ever witnessed in my life. Quote of the day: "To see and be seen that is the truest nature of love." Brene Brown Song of the day: Pulled Up Talking Heads

Taking a JOY ride!

Well my birthday week is over. But, yesterday we celebrated my friend's birthday by taking a JOY ride. I am getting closer and closer to feeling JOY. I had about a two year interuption, and am still not there yet. With my new van, it is bringing the possibilities to light. I still have a terrible way of thinking. The what ifs, the I don't knows, the what the past has proven, and the I don't have enough money or time are still taking up the majority of my brain. But, being with a friend and talking things out really helped. I have lots of ideas for taking more JOY rides. And, if there is any place you would like to go in the tri-state area I am all ears. The good part of my belief system is I believe in wishes, and wishes coming true. And, sometimes we all just need a little validation or support in making dreams come true for ourselves. So, my motto is: Don't ever stop wishing! When I was with Zandra in the beginning of the summer, we were making some art together. We swapped some supplies. I started mentioning places I wanted to go. I mentioned the "Big Rusty" sculpture, and luckily Zandra knew what I was talking about. So, yesterday we made it happen. It did not disappoint. I also loved the days leading up to our trip. I watched many you tube videos. It is like a fairy tale in the making. Thoman Dambo has an excellent Instagram @thomasdambo and follows his adventures all over the world creating Giant Trolls from recycled materials. His current location is Los Angeles and he is making a new installation there. After reading about him, I learned he started out in Denmark as a rapper. So, when he finishes a project, he will rap a poem while filming it. His videos are very personal, yet professional. The news has been very heavy lately. And, for my own personal well being, I am trying to pay attention to the positive peacemakers in the world. I want their voices to be the loudest. The building he chose in New Jersey was a run down ceramics building with grafitti. And, this all speaks very loudly to me. It represents New Jersey. Most of his sculptures are deep in forests. But, this one is made of cement blocks, bricks and scrap wood from the abandoned building. It says "don't feed Big Rusty". I just think it speaks volumes. He also makes birdhouses as markers for each Troll. I made a reel on Instagram. But, I will add more of the pictures and video to my stories today. This is a great post I found, with some great quotes. Song of the day: They May be Giants: Put a Birdhouse in your Soul