Welcome 2024

I awoke yesterday with the thought of "what am I going to do today?". I was glad New Year's Eve was a Sunday. I knew my email inbox would be full of inspirations from my top five authors. I have subscribed to them on Substacks. It does become overwhelming at times. But, yesterday there was a standout post. It was from Beth Kempton. I have been following her since I had my store. She featured me once when her website compiled those who "Do What You Love". My story is out there in the cyber cloud somewhere. Currently, she is hosting a Winter Sanctuary of Writing. It started December 28th and runs until January 6th. The perfect time for letting in some light. She reads two poems, talks in a 10 minute video (I love her british accent) and then writes an essay with prompts. She's very easy going with no pressure. She read a poem "The Masterpiece" by Nikita Gill. I follow Nikita's instagram which is poems. And, she definitely resonates with me. This book that this poem is in was written during covid. It is about the 5 stages of grief and then the 5 stages of hope. I get a little discouraged when I read her writing. Because, my thoughts are along the same lines. And, I find that very intimidating. Her words flow with beauty, and sometimes sting like a bee. But, this poem I read in the morning, ended up being the day I lived yesterday. I had no idea I would be at an irish bar celebrating the end of 2023. But, it was like the poem I read in the morning. I wish I could read it somewhere. I searched all morning, but only came up with the quote I will share. But, it had to do with singing and dancing through life kinda thing. I came up with a lot of mottos last year to make my decision making a little easier. It is: If it makes you feel alive, take the dive. And, I am so glad I have made new friends, so I am not experiencing these life affirming fun times by myself. I feel like Ferris Bueler in his 60's. But, not just for one day.....I have lots of days to make the most of life, now. And, I love the thought of celebrating every day. Quote of the day: “We must remember that an ending is the start of another beautiful something, that there is always light to be had at the end of everything.” ― Nikita Gill, Where Hope Comes From: Poems of Resilience, Healing, and Light Song of the Day: "Can You Feel It?" Jackson 5

2023 The Year to Be

Luckily, I am writing a whole book about the year 2023 and what it meant to me. I learned so much. I am glad I am writing a book and can share. When doing a post about the year gone by and looking forward to the year 2024. It is hard to put it in one paragraph. But, I think I learned a very good lesson I would like to share. The person I followed the most this year on instagram died in early 2022. His name is Thich Nhat Hanh. Someday I hope to learn his name and be able to pronounce it. But, one line really got me. "A cloud never dies". I think if I read any of his writing five years ago. I would not have paid much attention to it. I started watching his calligraphy videos in the beginning of the year. That is why I write some words and do a painting next to it. It is my form of my meditation. But, negative thinking is really hard to break. I am certainally not there yet. But, I do always try to look for the silver lining. And, that was sort of easy. Because, there are so many good things that came into this year. Without me asking is the amazing part. It was just about being present. Sometimes, I took action. But, most of the time I would just wait to see if things would work out. October around my birthday it all came to a head. In one day ( I really think it was my birthday) some pretty negative things came in the mail. It was a month I was really starting to feel confident in moving forward. And, just like that I was back to "two steps up and one step back". But, yet the best thing happened to me for my birthday. And, that was a cake with my name on it (along with a good friend who's birthday is the same as my moms's). And, we were sung to by a very musically talented family! We blew out the candles and I didn't really wish for anything. Which is kind of funny. I am so big on wishes. But, really I just want to get by and not feel like daily life is such a struggle. And, slowly I am feeling more grounded and steady on my feet. Seriously, when all this first happened I couldn't even go down stairs without being terrified I was going to fall. I have never thought so negatively in my life, and it was hard to break. I just needed time to heal, and feel more confident in my future. And, the bottom line is to just be present in the moment. For, all the changes that came with Covid and after, I finally can feel better. My mind isn't racing. And, the best is, I can sleep eight hours straight again. Going into the next year I always have made wishes, set intentions, and picked a word. I will do that again. But, it is more spiritual then ever. I realize, what I pay attention to is, the most important thing I can do in my life. So, it will be about that and will be in my first post for 2024. In the meantime I will pick a song and quote that sums up how I feel right now. Quote of the day: “Be Yourself. Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just Be.” Thich Nhat Hanh Song of the day: You'll Never Walk Alone

Let the Light Shine In

I love being home. Don't get me wrong. But, it is full days of inspiration that light me up. Set my soul on fire. Fill me up with desire for the future. I had a great local day of classes and a work party which left me smiling. But, yesterday stirred everything up in me to feel the joy of the season. It has been building up since I saw Ian and his friends perform the Charlie Brown Christmas Show. I don't want to pay too much attention to days gone by. When I am home it makes me feel pretty blue. So I, like Julie Andrews, think of my favorite things. And, then act on them. I don't think I have been in the City at holiday time for more then twenty years. I have wonderful memories of my dad taking us to Radio City Music Hall for the Christmas and Easter shows. Yesterday, I took a bus from Target in Brick, through Garden State Getaways. It was very convenient and most of all relaxing. Love when someone else is in the driver seat. I tried to read on the way there and back. But, my eyes are really tired. I have done a lot of reading, writing and straining my eyes. So, it felt good to just look out the window and watch the world go by. I always love leaving the city at night. Even if it took a half an hour to go one block! Love to see all the lights, people and pizza restaurants. And, most of all watch how the city gets smaller and smaller as the road winds farther away. I know when it is a good day, and all I can think of is going back. I really loved Saks and Dior's Collaboration and didn't really have the time to see the actual light show. I loved all the french influences at Saks and the Macarons at Anthropologie. Can't wait to so some paintings of the charms on the outside of the Saks Sphere. They included the sun, moon, butterfly, flowers and stars. Out of all the feelings the city gives me, it is the feeling of optimism. I hope I can carry this feeling until Christmas! If not, I guess I will have to go back!

Music Melts Your Heart

So much time, but afraid to revisit my past. After about a half an hour of sorting photos, I had enough. I put a newspaper clipping away to read later. This week I read it, and decided to write about it. It is about Enzo Stuarti. He lived right next door, when I was very young. He did have children who were more my sister and brother's age. I just remember after he moved, he was still a big part of our household. He did a very famous ragu commercial. And, I would continue to buy records to give to my father as gifts. I just watched a video of him singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic. It was sung on the Ed Sullivan show and in black and white. His performance was really enthusiastic. I found it really moving. One of my favorite experiences when I owned Greetings from Geralyn in Convention Hall in Asbury Park. It was early on. And, a women walking her dog stopped and started to talk about records in general. She then went on to all the times she had seen Bruce Springsteen in Asbury Park. And, then she exclaimed it was just so good to see records in a store again. Then she said her uncle made records. I asked who? And, she said you probably never heard of him. When she said Enzo Stuarti. I couldn't believe it. I told her he was my next door neighbor. You surely could start to hear our exclamations echo through the hall. She said how much she loved to bicycle on our block, because we had sidewalks. Lately, I haven't been out to listen to live music as much. But, last night I got to see my son perform with his friends "A Charlie Brown Christmas". It was just so heartwarming. That music stirs up so many memories. Especially, how records and television were so much about of our traditions. And, with time spinning and changing so quickly. It was so nice to share conversation and see others experiencing something live and in person. But, most of all to hear all the band members express what the music meant to them. And, to see them perform it with passion, but most of all enjoyment. It is extrememly hard to stay on a path of working at what you enjoy. It shouldn't be. But, it comes with a lot of struggles. But, last night when the first note rang out, my troubles seemed to melt away at the same time. I am writing this a few days later. I was on a news story about businesses in Ocean Grove and Asbury Park after Sandy in 2012. A new friend Nancy shared it with me last night. I keep watching it. After I was questioned about my optimism. I said "absolutely". I really relized how much my attitude has been shaken to the core. It is really hard to feel absolutely sure of ANYTHING these days. It has been my goal this year to just be. Because, that is easy and I can just take things as they come. I can take action or I can just settle into being passive. It has been an amazing opportunity of growth for me. But, sometimes I realize how negatve and pessimistic my inner thoughts really are during this time. And, then I just realize I am being myself and I am ok with that. But, really what is coming true for me is an inner light. I am experiencing a new feeling of contentment. I get glimpses of this feeling and then something negative happens. It feels like a candle getting blown out. Optimism may just be taking back my natural attitude. And, if that is the most I got out of this year, I am thankful. Last night I realized my attitude is not just about me. It is about the people in my life. And, friends, family and strangers are reflecting back to me the brightest light I never really saw before. Georgia O'Keefe says : "To see takes time". I am so thankful for the time I have taken for myself and connecting with people. I am starting to see myself as being seen. And, it feels good. Song of the Day: So this song is like a battle song. And, I think I may be winning the fight I have had with my inner voice. I am feeling more confident every day. Enzo Stuarti: Battle Hymn of the Republic

What Would Dolly Do?

When I wake up in the morning I am in the closest of a dream state, then any other time of the day. I haven't really had a chance for my whole brain to work,yet. The real part of me that tells me I don't deserve to pursue the dreams I fantaize about. So, this morning I am writing this, hopefully, in a way you the reader will understand. This is not easy, the journey of a writer. But, it was the path not taken. Why? Mostly on my part was confusion, confidence, motivation, procrastination and vulnerablity. But, I woke up this morning thinking of a subject that came up in writing class, yesterday. And, I chimed in, I have trouble with confidence. I have a side of me that does NOT encourage me to do things. Especially, speak in public. But, the last month I have been getting out there, and it has a made a BIG positive difference. For example 21 reviews on Ebay, since I started a few months ago. My writing class appreciating me. Stepping out of my comfort zone to appreciate their courage. What was my secret for the last month? I would ask myself "What Would Dolly Do? Instead of asking myself before I would list something on Ebay. Questions like "Who would buy this?", "If I don't want it, who else is?" "This is not worth that much to me, why is someone going to pay this price?" I thought of things like, what can I include in the shipment to show gratitude? And, when I thought of all of these little paintings I have created. I felt like I hit the jackpot! And, the two shipments I showed on social media in the beginning of the week. They both gave me a good reviews already. This also was an experiment. I made these little clothespin dolls, and they are what I would think the Butterfly Wrester is. I just did it without much thought. I want to go back and explain them. But, I am not going to. Because the experiment was to do a search for the Butterfly Wrestler after a week of listing them. And, they came up right to the top of the search. BINGO!!! That is being able to find a needle in a haystack. It means everything. Because, when you write a blog in the beginning, only who you share the link with finds you. But, if a person starts hearing about the Butterfly Wrestler, they might google it. And, the only way it comes to the top, is if the search engine can find it. So, basically EBAY has given me the platform and voice I have been looking for. Now, I have a Dolly Parton collage I created two years ago. Last week I filled in all the blank spots with my favorite Dolly Quotes. I also put in the lightening bolt "Rockstar". I admire Dolly and this latest album. She created an album basically as what her fans see her as. Not, how she sees herself as a country singer. And, basically that is my story, too, as the Butterfly Wrester. People see the outside me. They have no I idea what I struggle with. Thankfully, they don't see all the racing thoughts going through in my brain. But, writing brings all that out. And, sharing it takes a huge amount of courage. Quote of the day: "You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try." Dolly Parton Song of the day: Freebird. Dolly Parton with Leonard Skynard Dolly Parton Rockstar Collage on EBAY

Don't Stop

October just flew by, and now we are in the middle of November. There are still about fifty days to achieve any goals for the year 2023. I set my sights low with the only goal to just BE for the year 2023. I did this on purpose to go easy, and just go with flow. But, sometimes I surprise myself with what is not easy for me. It is not easy for me to reach out to friends. The dialogue in my head is rediculous. October I spent every day painting a leaf with a word to let go of and the next page a word to let in. For example one page was fear and the facing page was love. I noticed I love to splatter paint some days at the end. And, those were days I felt frustrated with myself. I think those splashes were what I can't control. And, I loved to see how they reacted to the wet paint. I really do love to watch life unfold, and sometimes see what good can come from being vulnerable. It is the Artist part of me, that is the hardest to grow. I can plant the seeds, by practicing something creative. But, with my eyes, I still see the third grade girl scout me, come out on paper. But, this is all good. I want to have the time to really see. I am so glad I reached out to Cathleen Malpass. She is the widow of Michael Malpass who passed away in 1991, and was my sculpture teacher at Georgian Court University. The picture above is the studio in Brick. It has taken me many years of thinking about visiting there. And, I finally did it. I know I have mentioned Michael Malpass before. But, I feel he was the only teacher who really encouraged me to enter the art world. And, this is where the confusion and fear comes in for me. I don't know how or what to do. First and foremost I enjoy writing and sharing. Then I am loving watercolor painting. But, I have to unlearn so much from when I was an art student. I loved when one teacher said NOT to ever use an eraser. There are NO mistakes. WOW, that was freeing. But, then the same teacher said.....don't outline in black, don't use words in your art, don't paint from photographs, etc.. So, I have been doing a lot of unlearning and it is very freeing. Now I am getting a little anxious and questioning the affordablility of an Artist Residencey in France next year. But, I am determined and know deep down this is the time of my life to release any fears and live with no regrets. Quote of the Day: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope empathy, accountability, and authenticity.” Brene Brown Song of the day: Don't Stop Jon Batiste

The Story of My Christopher Radko Ornaments

I realize as I go along selling things on ebay, how much things I own can tell a story. But, it is so sad to think some parts of my life are just a story, now. I worked for fours stores that closed. I am processing all this still. And, realizing how each one I had to adapt too. Some I actually had more empathy for the owners and my bosses then myself. Actually, all of them I did. And, part of being alone now is I realized how much I have lived like this. But, anyway today was really remarkable. I looked for a Christopher Radko interview to share. I thought it would help me in selling them. And, did it ever! I didn't realize he sold his company in 2005. I did realize in the quality of the product. I realized they were all hand blown glass and hand painted in Poland. I knew when they first came out and we sold them at Brielle Galleries they were very collectable. We all tried to talk ourselves into buying the first in the series of the 12 days of Christmas. I couldn't do it. My children were main priority during this time. I didn't want to spend a lot of money on anything that could break. I was Christmas shopping with a friend during this time, and we were in a Marshall's. They were selling these ornaments at half the price. And, she knew I loved them, and she did too. We both loved decorating traditionally and in Victorian style. She asked if I would ever buy one. And I answered "No way". And it is then, we decided to buy one for each other for Christmas, it would be ok. I bought stands to hang them in the shelves. Never wanting the chance of the tree falling down. So, that is why I own them. Later, I have put them on my trees and hung them in the window, when we downsized in 2011. I haven't put up a tree in my new home, yet. But, I have been collecting and making felt ornaments to put on a fake tree, eventually. I just haven't found the right tree, yet. But, the real interesting part of Christopher Radko's story was when he told the story of designing the ornaments like writing a song. And, I thought of myself as I have been making my butterfly wresters (now listed on ebay). He said it was lke songwriting and songwriters who bought his ornaments. When he mentioned Bruce Springsteen bought a whole tree of ornaments for his wife....my mouth was wide open in surprise. The last two years Brielle Galleries was in business, I helped Patty Scalfia Springsteen Christmas shop. It was very exciting, especially picking out Buccelatti silver for Pavoratti. Anyway, I helped her buy 50 Santas on a motorcycles by Christopher Radko. But, then she cancelled the order. But, anyway, they were very special Christmases. Especially, the second one when she came in and asked for me by name to help her. The next Christmas we were closed. By, that time I was working as manufacturers representative in wholesale. Which, also was an exciting job. But, most of all it brings me to the fact I have worked in retail for a very long time. And, most Christmas Eve's I have spent in a store. I am just now processing I have this time in my life now. It is wide open, how to spend my Christmas season. I have weekends off before Christmas, oh my! Quote of the day: It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time. Steve Jobs Song of the Day: Marcus Mumford Awaken My Soul