Dejeuner

I worked in Princeton for a year in 2009 at Paper Source. The thing I remember the most, is driving through the town to get parking. And, thinking this is the most European influenced town. The University itself makes you feel like a different time and place. The trees are large and old. And, most restaurants have outdoor seating. More towns are like this since Covid. But, most of the places to eat are like French Cafes. It is ALWAYS busy with strong foot traffic. I decided to eat at Chez Alice. A cute little French bakery, which also serves lunch. The decor each time I go there, gets better and better. I will share a little reel in instagram. My little trip to Princeton this week was also a little celebration of my lifestyle and triumphs. I always knew I was an emotional eater. It has been a challenge the last forty years. But, I have to say I am more in control of what I eat then ever. During Lent I even finally tried the "Magic Leek Soup" from the book: "French Women Don't Get Fat" by Mireille Guiliano. And, I now know what I can do a few times a year to lose a couple of pounds, as needed. It is so nice not to be in a weight watchers frame of mind any more. And, just enjoy my way of eating again. I think that is what helped my sleeping patterns, also. For the first time in fifty years I can eat at the same time each day. My job's schedules have changed every week. Each day being different, bringing uncertain times and places to eat. These are little things to celebrate. But, they are big at the same time. I am trying to look at aging in a positive way, but sometimes it is hard. The title of this post is french for lunch. So, I will be trying to go to you tube and learn some french words each day. My next post will be about Paper Source, and the letter writing campaign for the month of April. Quote of the Day: “French women typically think about good things to eat. American women typically worry about bad things to eat.” ― Mireille Guiliano, French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating for Pleasure Song of the Day: Melody Gardot c'est magnafique Melody was an Art student in Philadelphia in 2003 and was hit while riding a bicycle. She has found her fame in Paris, France as a singer/songwriter

Favorite Pastimes

It's been about a year now, since I left working fulltime. I bought some books to read, because I wanted to read again. I also was getting a lot of suggested reading from my writing classes. I have been thinking about getting audible for years. I was so glad I did. I was back to my old self, with concentration enough to get through a couple of books a week again. Through this Music Heals program I wanted to read Suleika Jaouad's Book of Two Kingdoms. It is a really intense book about her battle with Cancer starting at the age of 23. It included starting a relationship with Jon Batiste, who she originally met in band camp. And, my favorite part was when she was in recovery Jon and a group of musicians came and played "When the Saints Come Marching In" in her hospital room. The movie on Netflix "American Symphony" also continues their journey. The second book was Jonathan Biss's Unquiet: My Life with Beethoven. This was very short and I loved because it included his piano playing of Beethoven. And, the third book I am about halfway through is Imagine Me Gone by Adam Haslett. This is a fictional book about a family of five. The father suffers from mental illness, and the story is told from the wife, father and children's perspective. I wasn't thrilled with the subject matter. But, the one son starts talking about disco music, and the story comes alive. I went to a book club meeting presented by the same group Music Heals through Princeton University Concerts. It was interesting, and loved hearing everyone's opinions about the books. I also was able to see the embrodery exhibit. That night there was a zoom call including the authors. And, a live performance at the University will follow on April 24th. This was such a great experience for me. Because, if you have been reading me, you would know how much music influences me. And, yes it is helping me heal. The song "Butterfly" by Jon Batiste is the one that came along last year, that swept me off my feet. It is sad, but uplifting at the same time. And, the conclusion to get me through any type of grief is what all of these books conclude. Sometimes, there are no answers, just the curiosity of what the future will bring. And, we just have to find the things that carry us through. And, there is no doubt, music heals. Quote of the day: Suleika Jaouad “Melissa painted self-portraits from bed; I wrote self-portraits from bed. Watercolors and words were the drugs we preferred for our pain. We were learning that sometimes the only way to endure suffering is to transform it into art.” Song of the day: Michelle Obama and Jon Batiste talking about Music and Healing Also, what came from the Book Club is about the connections, which can be made through music. Sharing more on Instagram stories this morning of the embroidery with wings to lift us up and help us rise! And, even the sound of the songbird can be the music that heals. No words needed.

Brave

Life is teaching me how brave I have to be, even in retirement. I really thought I would have more control of my life. Decision making would become easier. I am not learning the hard way. I am enjoying the process But, the hardest lesson I learned this past year is I don't have control over anything. And my motto has always been if the going gets tough, the tough gets going The problem is I am a softy, a sentimental, sensitive, multi-faceted soft human being. Who just so happens to want to be as strong and brilliant as a diamond. Luckily, I took a complete day for myself in Princeton yesterday I had one day with interaction with others, viewing an exhibition I am part of, visiting my favorite stores, eating lunch in a french tea room, going to a movie and walking a labyrinth. I am going to share pictures in my stories each day this week. Today I am going to talk about bravery. The day before this I went to Sight and Sound Theater and witnessed the Spectacular story of Daniel. A story of being brave enough to speak your truth, facing the consequences, and in the end being triumphant. Each experience in Princeton, all in different ways gave me the same message. Basically, on a path I have taken naturally, I am learning to trust myself. And, most of all speak up for myself. Speak UP is a powerful message for a person who is naturally quiet It does not come easy for me. It is easier to write about it. Because, when I talk about the hard things, I can't hide my emotions. To break it down in parts, I am going to talk about the embroidery project first. So, I would consider myself living in isolation, presently. I am alone. It has been an adjustment. Writing my blog has helped me immensely processing my thoughts. Since, I spent the last five months not working. I had not only time to think, but to feel. Something I was deeply afraid of, but instinctly knew I needed at the same time. When the embroidery project came in February it involved two zoom calls and a visit to Princeton Campus to pick up a free embroidery kit. The first zoom call ended with the words " all entries will be exhibited". What an opportunity,I immediately thought. So, to see all the entries yesterday was very exciting for me. I couldn't wait to see what the others did and share it on instagram. What happened during this project was: I felt I found my voice. As each embroidery unfolded ( I made five and have four ready to start again, when I feel like it) the time I was spending felt like I was talking to someone. Like, they were going to read it, and relate. And, maybe even call them to action, also. One of the best feelings I experienced during this time in my life. I am very thankful for these groups who have come together. The Princeton University Concerts, The Princeton Public Library and Interwoven Stories by Diane Weymar. Also, Suleika Jaouad Batiste who wrote about the project in her weekly substacks: The Isolation Journal. Quote of the day: "Say what you want to say". from the song brave. But, also said by Diane Weymar on the zoom call who started "Interwoven Stories", who I follow daily on instagram. Song of the Day: Brave Words by Sara Bareilles and Jack Antonoff

Lent Lessons

I am amazed at how deep I feel. Not, such a good thing. My biggest thing as I age, is to do this as natrually and gracefully as possible. Maybe I shouldn't even blame my age. I have all this time to reflect on myself. This year is different from last year, as I was still working. So far, a lot of what I have learned is how hard I am on myself. On Saturday I decided to make it a collage day. I began by cutting out flowers. This I really enjoyed. I also treated myself to watching the food channel at the same time. I had two pieces of cardboard, and some paper bags I did not throw out. So, when I sat down to start glueing it, there was no pressure. I probably should not have done this all in one day. But, I am noticing a pattern of not finishing. So, I just wanted to finish. I pay attention, now, to how different projects make me feel. And, a lot of my problem is for the amount of time spent, I want it to be perfect. Collage makes me a bit crazy, because of the wrinkles that can be on the paper while attaching. That's when I remember I should copy it on sticker paper. But, then the ink costs a lot of money. Then when it is all done. I think throw it away!!! The next thing I do is really pay attention to the way I am thinking. It is not good!!!! The next morning I realize I can share it digitally, and it will be flat. I also got a really cool postcard on Saturday during the process: it read:"Psst Geralyn it is your turn." And, it is perfect to do another collage. If you know me, I somehow get signs I am on the right track. I am realizing I am REALLY sensitive. And, I have to get out of my own way. Now the weather is better, I hope to walk more. I used to love doing 21 meditations, and really miss them. So, I read one I had actually downloaded and painted to. It showed how excited I was to watercolor, again. I can see some growth from about eight years ago, when I started back up again. OK, now it is time to give myself credit. Eight years!!!! And, it seems like yesterday. It has brought me joy, but at the same time making me feel I am not good enough. And, this is the thought I am still fighting within myself. I am not doing it for someone to validate me. I really just want to feel the peace and flow it gives me. So, maybe I did develop a habit that helps me through each day. I hope to get all the projects done on my table, to get back to painting this week. The best quote I read from this meditation dating back to 2017 was from Helen Keller. Quote of the Day: "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." The reason it spoke to me is in this journey and listening to the advice of all these happiness experts I am reading. Is to find your why or what. My answer for this question for the last year is to just feel secure. I have big financial worries since I left a full time job. Thankfully, I start back to work next week. I am still going to events, meetings, workshops and really loved going to game night last week. But, I have put it upon myself to stop spending money, I don't have. And; sorry, but not sorry, my gas tank's appetite is being fed better then mine. The last thing I want to do is turn into a hermit. I usually feel like this at Lent, so I am really looking forward to next Monday! Song of the day: Bruce Springsteen: Ain't Good Enough for You I heard this song yesterday, and it is my inner struggle with myself. This song always makes me laugh....one of my top ten favorites!

Twenty Years Ago

Twenty years ago in January I didn't know I would be on a tour bus in Rome, Italy. With my mother taking pictures of me. Yesterday, I was able to dig a little into our photos and journal from the trip. We both had the same journal, and the first day we wrote at the same time. Sharing almost identical details about the cage elevator, fabric wallpaper and overall love of Rome at first sight. She ended her journal with wishing every athiest could visit Rome. Most trips I like to know in advance, so I can look forward to it. She made a reservation for a tour with a Catholic group called: "On Angel's Wings". I made a reservation for four days before her tour started, for the plane and rooms. I was amazed at the deal I found through Italia airlines. My mother during this time, was beginning to struggle just walking. She huffed and puffed a lot, and had to sit many times. But, after this trip she used a walker to get out and about. I remember her calling me at the end of January to do this trip. It was a year after my dad had passed away. I told her I already put in for my vacation. So, I started looking on the internet, and thought I could get 2 personal days added to my 2 days off that week. It worked out, so 2 days on our own, and 2 days with the group. I had no idea what to expect, and I didn't have much time to think about it. We spent the first day walking and shopping around the Spanish Steps. My mom kept questioning why everyone was just sitting on the steps. I really did not know the answer. All I knew, I was in awe of the fresh air, ancient fountains, and fresh flowers blooming. We made it to an Art museum. But, all the walking was hard on my mom. The next day we did the bus tour around Rome. This picture of me was a surprise. I didn't know my mom was taking my picture. My mom would be attending Good Friday at the Colossium the next week. And, I was thinking how lucky she was to attend such an event. The next two days we stayed at a Covent in the Vatican City. My mom wanted to rest this day. So, I ventured to St. Peter's by myself. I felt like I was walking on air. I waited a long time in line. It was a warm day, but luckily my shoulders were covered, so I could enter. I was immediately overwhelmed. For the first time in my life I thought I was going to faint. It was the darkest, yet most exquisite space I have ever set foot in. When I witnessed Michaelangelo's "La Pieta" I had to sit down to get my composure. When I was with my sister a couple of weeks ago. She talked about seeing it at the World's Fair in 1964. I realized we never talked much about things like that. And, it was so nice to see how she described it to her husband. I loved how she could remember how shiney it was. I feel extremely lucky and grateful to have seen this sculpture twice in my life. The next day we went to Palm Sunday service. We had reserved seats for the two and a half hour service, which was in Latin. When we kneeled it was on the ancient stoned ground. It was the longest time to kneel, and I was determined to do this the required time. I saw a few people who were kneeling the whole service, who motivated me. The priest, who was part of the group my mom was traveling with, kept apologizing. And, I kept saying I was so thankful we had seats. But, he kept saying the Pope wasn't well, and the seats were by the path the "Pope mobile" usually traveled through as he exited. Overall, the Mass was amazing. The music was beautiful as it traveled through the cleanest of air. There was a gentle cool breeze on a sunny blue sky day in Spring. There were several readings from people from all over the world. Only one was in English. As we turned to leave, I could hear the roar of the crowd. I started to make out "Il Papa!!!!" And, it was getting closer. Before, I even could understand what was happening the vehicle holding the Pope stopped right in front of us. The Pope motioned for the baby (who had my mom's attention the whole service). The father picked up the baby and the Pope kissed his head. I can still hear the crowd, as it went from a silence when the vehicle stopped to a roar after he kissed the baby. I told my mom that all happened just for her. She and I were smiling ear to ear (as described in her journal). My mom kept journals, and I don't want to open them. But, revisiting this trip during Lent is such a blessing. To process it, and it had been twenty years since this trip was remarkable. During this time I was going home to a house with a swimming pool. We bought that 2 bedroom 1 bathroom house in 1993. It now was a three bedroom three bathroom house. I designed the kitchen and laundry area. It was a dream come true. And, it was finished. We took the roof off at the same time Brielle Galleries closed in 2001. And, the last piece of wallpaper was applied before we had the repass for my dad in 2003. It was so much work, but it was the biggest reward of our lifetime. The last twenty years have been a blessing. So, much to be thankful for. Just like I had no idea I would ever go to Rome, I had no idea this would be what life would be like as a sixty four year old. But, the gift of time is truley the best reward. I want to figure out how how to spend more time living, and less time thinking. That part is tricky and costly. But, I am content. And, I am looking forward to attending Mass at St. Catharines. It just so happens St. Catharines is modeled after St. Peter's in Rome. And, again we are blessed to have been baptized there. My children included. I pray hard these days with nothing in particular in mind. And, each time I go, I feel rejuvinated. But, not enough to make it there weekly. The best thing I am letting go of is guilt. And, just be thankful and celebrate the times I do get there. Quote of the Day: "It is urgent to live enchanted" Valter Hugo Mae Song of the Day: "Dont' Stop Believin" Journey. I lookied this up as this came up in a zoom call with Susan Cain (Author of a favorite book I read last year: Bittersweet and Chris Guillebeau who had this conference ten years ago. Brene Brown was in attendance! I am looking forward to Chris's upcoming book about time anxiety. These authors are young, but they are speaking a lot of relatable language to me and hitting a note about taking time. I am part of a community on Substacks. I recieved a scholarship and am so grateful to witness these intimate conversations.

Early 2024 Reflections

When I haven't written for a long time I don't know where to start. I arrived home yesterday from traveling. I was away from home for five days. I had a goal for writing every day. The only journaling I did was rubber stamping my pocket journal in the Smokey Mountain National Park. I did do a lot of thinking, and what I want to write about in the book I am working on. I am influenced by a lot of writers right now. Two of which I really focused on this trip. And, I had a zoom call with both on the Sunday before I left. They are Susan Cain of one of my most favorites reads of last year: "Bittersweet". The other being Suleika Jaouad author of "Between Two Kingdoms". I got a scholarship to be part of "The Quiet Community" on substacks through Susan Cain. It is a safe place for me on the internet. I feel safe and part of conversation among kindred spirits. I listened to "Between Two Kingdoms" on audio books during the ride. It was very long. And, it is deeply sad, real, and hopeful, all at the same time. I am trying to feel all the feels lately, while not working. All at the same time, being conscience of not getting depressed. And, this trip was exactly that. There were a number of ways I did this. Most of all I saw my sister on the anniversary of my mom's passing. And, this has been heavy on my mind for the last four years. I had to put a lot of thoughts on the back burner during Covid and my divorce. My sister has called me every single week since my divorce. We had a very strained relationship most of our adult life. And, this trip we got to have one carefree day in our adult lives. I woke up that morning feeling dizzy and nauseaous. I found through google I had mountain sickness. I had never heard of this before. But, by noon we were walking in the Smokey Mountains National Park. By the end I caught my sister skipping on video. This simple act of my sister was the most healing vision I could see. As we are aging and realistically seeing what life in our 60's is like. She will be 70 in a few years. We chat and talk non stop. We decide our next stop is Fly Ride. It is like Soarn' in Disney. You sit and are immersed in a movie as if you are flying over the United States. As we arrive the parking lot is empty. We are greeted by a sign that they closed at 3pm for a private event. We are disappointed, but not defeated. Plan B is the Aquarium. But, by this time since I didn't eat yet. I suggest we go eat. We decided the night before to go to Paula Deen's. We arrive at fun 'island" with a Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville hotel, a huge ferris wheel, a fountain with music, and a Skyride!!! Oh wow! I had forgotten I saw in the tourist pamphlets a ride like fly ride. It was right next door to Paula Deen's. It was a "steam punk" theme. Kinda victorian, with the the introduction film with english accents. The ride was through America's natural parks like the everglades, alaska, grand canyon, mount rushmore, rivers and oceans. There were a few splashes of water with a refreshing feel of the ocean spray. It ends landing in the park with fireworks. It was exactly the feeling I needed. It was a feeling of being weightless like a butterfly and flying over the beautiful landscapes. It is a feeling I will carry with me for the rest of my life. There are so many heavy weights I have carried most of my life. And, the relationship with my sister is one of them. And, this ended up perfect. My mom,dad, and brother would have wanted this for us, for sure. Time goes by so fast, and my dad had warned me of this. And, when we left each other the next day it wasn't sad, We both cherished the time we had together the day before. It was all bittersweet. Which brings me back to what my favorite authors write about. They are both Princeton graduates. And, being part of that comminity I was involved in a project I will talk about more as the month of March unfolds. On the radio I heard that Nathaniel Ratecliff is doing a concert of Leonard Cohen's music called Wordless. Susan Cain writes a lot about Leonard Cohen. His songs are very deep and meloncoly. I saw the movie and how he would suffer long periods of time with depression. Once isolating from the world for several years. But, at the end of the movie while he peformed his last concerts he skipped off the stage. So, this brings me to how sometimes we put off facing things that hurt the most. But, in the end these things can bring us the most joy. Quote of the day: A disco ball is hundreds of pieces of broken glass put together to make a magical ball of light. You aren't broken. You are a disco ball. Song of the day: Nathaniel Ratecliff singing Leonard Cohen's Famous Blue Raincoat

Take Your Time

Processing time has been the most difficult for me these last few years. I am thankful for the memories on facebook to remind me. The problem is at the same time I have been avoiding looking at my memories. Yesterday was a good day, and I took a look. I am glad I did, because it reminded me four years ago my mom was still alive. This week I want to dedicate a lot of time to her. This is a good thing, and not a sad thing. When my life took a sharp turn, a lot of decisions had to be made in a very short time. Sometimes I would wake up, and just think what would my mom do? And, I would follow through with trying to read a good book. I would go to church. I would take a ride to Atlantic City. I would call a friend. I would send a greeting card. I would just lay on the couch and watch TV. I would go to a bakery. And, all of this helped me through a really difficult time. But, many of these things cause me guilt. And, that's where I am changing my habits. And, really digging into pure joy. What gives ME pure joy. NO guilt. And, that is how I spent last year by just being. This year is the first year where I am not working until April. So, each morning I wake up and ask myself what feels right for me to do each day. And, it has gotten pretty darn close to pure joy as I think I can get. I even went to church twice so far this year. The bad feelings such as guilt and shame are starting to melt away. Self doubt is still the hardest for me. But, as I take baby steps to ask for help in dealing with life in a whole new way, I am getting there. It is a real battle sometimes. But, it is a daily push to not just wither away. A funny thing happened as I got to this point in my writing. There was blip noise and a new email from Maria Shriver. And, again I find we are on the same page. I found myself stuck for words to make a point. I started thinking of dealing with Alzheimers for my mom and dad. How every day was full of worry of what is going to happen today? Will they fall, leave an oven on, say something stupid to someone who doesn't understand and be a threat to them, will they get lost or wander off. I may not have lived with them, but they were a constant worry. And, four years ago that part of worry was over. And, then their was all of this new space in my mind. New space to worry about me. And, that is what this time has done for me. But, during this time of Lent and reflecting. I am letting it all go. And, I am going to face the future with love over fear. And, maybe just maybe my life will be better then ever. Wouldn't that be nice? I have to include the last paragraph of Maria Shriver's paragraph here. Because, her post was about living alone, also. "In the silence of the early morning dawn, when you sit all alone, know that truth. Your worth does not come from the job you have, the money you have made or haven’t made, the person you married or never married. Your worth is within your being. So, next time you find yourself alone, don’t fear yourself. Enjoy the magnificence of your own company. Listen to that voice within, the one in your heart, and allow it to guide you forward. Allow it to keep you company. Allow it to remind you of why you are here. You, my child and friend, are here to light the world on fire. There’s no doubt in my mind about that." Maria Shriver Sunday Paper Quote of the day: “Learn to be alone and like it. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.” - Mandy Hale Song of the Day: Love is Like a Butterfly by Dolly Parton